11 2008-07-21T12:37:08-05:00 false "If I were a stamen, would you show as much interest in me as you do the garden?" my wife inquired. To my folly, I responded with humor "Of course not, honey; I'm a pistil man!" Eight words too late, I realized that was the wrong answer. Eight hours later I could hardly even speak. My wife is in the unique position of having the ability to completely crush my spirit in anything I do or accomplish. Perhaps it is because I love her so much, or value her opinion above all others, or that everything I do, everything I've done since I met her, I've done for her. I can put my heart and soul into a project, for hours, days, weeks, even months on end, and finally finished, I can step back, admire my work, and share it with her, beaming pride at what hard work, research, practice, and skill were able to accomplish. And with one simple sentence, she can bring all that crashing down, and make me regret having ever lifted a finger in the first place. I needn't worry about her reading this blog, because in her latest spirit-crushing tongue-lashing, she made it quite clear that she considered my garden a waste of time and money that could be better spent on "something productive." The MyFolia pages I've been working to keep updated are even less in her mind than the garden itself. On Saturday, I was a successful gardener on my first attempt, bringing in food, and fresh herbs, and preparing meals from them, and beautifying the outside of our house. By Sunday, I can hardly even bring myself to look at the garden anymore. In my head, it's come to represent everything wrong with my marriage. This isn't to say that my marriage is wrong, or even in trouble. Every marriage has hard times, struggles, fights, etc. Show me a married couple that's never had a fight, and I'll show you a couple that either hasn't been married long, or has one member as the ultimate authority. I think of marriage as a partnership of equals. I treat my wife with respect, love, and give her equal say on all things. I never make a major decision without consulting her, unless it is a life or death emergency, and then someone has to take charge immediately. I work a full time job, but I get off work before her. When I come home, I take care of the boy, inspect the garden, and then cook dinner, which lately has entailed items from the garden, and tend to the dogs. After dinner, I clean up the kitchen, give the boy a bath, and put him to bed, and make the final preparations for the night. I never go out to bars or strip clubs, I don't do any sort of drug, and my hobbies are all things that tend to produce something (like gardening), improve the value of the house (like remodeling the bathroom), and/or prepare and prevent emergencies (like making sure we have an adequate supply of food, water, and first aid items stored up). In our more private affairs, I am as generous as is humanly possible. On the weekend, I'm either working on the yard, the house, taking her on a date, or we're visiting family or friends. And I have never been unfaithful. Ever. I'm not a bad husband, but because of the garden, and my wife's feelings on it, I feel like one. If I want to see my garden now, I have to do it on the sly, as if I were visiting a mistress in some cheap hourly hotel room. "We only have a half hour, baby, and then I've got to get back to work." I can't talk about the garden, in fact, I need to pretty much hide gardening stuff from her sight. If she catches me on MyFolia, I'll get a tongue-lashing like you wouldn't believe. And yet, it makes me want to garden more... perhaps to escape from someone who seems less like my best friend, lover, and life companion, and more like my boss after the annual review. "Yeah, you made your numbers last year, but we're going to need you to take on some additional duties, and don't expect a raise this time around. Budget cuts, you know." So there you have it. I don't know why I'm putting this out there. Maybe it's because I'm looking for an answer, maybe its because I want her to read this, or maybe it's a preamble to my retirement from gardening and MyFolia. I don't know. My spirit's crushed, and there's no pride to be had in doing something you have to do behind your spouse's back. Regardless of what any reader may think, my wife and child mean more to me than anything else in the world, including gardening. I just wish I didn't have to feel ashamed of it to prove this. 1 false 23872 false false false Entry 3667 User 2008-07-20T19:00:00-05:00 DMY 25476 Public 2008-07-21T12:39:57-05:00 3667 Storms -50 F